Where would we be [Ath]

[Ryder Kingsley]

It was still a November, it had gotten blasted clod in the last couple of days, since being on the roof. Thinking that it was to blasted clod to go outside on the roof and thing again, he picked the next best stop and that was the rooftop lounge. Thinking to himself with a sigh on his breath was that at least it be warmer, than sitting outside on the roof of this place. Ryder hadn't went to dinner, he just hadn't been hungry, and didn't want to waste the food even though really he was still wasting it by not going. Ryder walked his way up to the rooftop lounge, he'd been walking around the castle before wanting to go someplace really to think, since he hadn't gotten to a couple of days ago, though all her really did was think. He had talked to Sophia a couple of nights ago, and probably made her feel like crap because she was trying to make him see the lighter or everything going on, but it wasn't that Ryder saw it he knew that it probably wasn't going to happen the way she wanted it to happen for him.

Ryder didn't know if dinner was over or whatever, it wasn't that he cared much. He had tossed himself on to the couch that was in the room. He covered his eyes, and looked into his hands before he removed them he sighed, as he stared up at the ceiling. He didn't know what to do, because anything he thought of he came down with the downfall of it. Ryder had never really had a girlfriend, yeah he had a date to the Yule Ball, but that was nearly ages ago when he had went to one. Sighing, again he gave up and looking at the stoney ceiling and tossed his arm over his eyes. He would just lay there looking as if he was sick, which he was he was sick of how things were going on in his life.

[its crapzilla ,haha its a poem title of mine hehe]

[Athradien Telemnar]

Man, was Athradien loaded with homework. Ever since he had started classes up, his homework load just piled up and up. Athradien would have liked to slack off and ignore the homework altogether, but just last night he had found out that he had the honor of being a prefect for the third time in his 7 years at Hogwarts. It was such a wonderful honor and such a large responsibility that now when he walked through the halls, he actually felt some self confidence inside. And, well, he got intimidated looks from almost everyone younger than him. Being a prefect was one thing, but being a 7th year Slytherin prefect? They automatically assumed that he was out to get them, but that wasn't anything new. He had gotten past the whole being offended when people thought he was evil, even though he had made huge mistakes in 5th year. But barely anyone knew about that. Except Sophia, Keelly, and Ryder.

Ryder? Where was that child anyways? It was kind of weird having his best friend be in Gryffindor, but he was all for house unity and he and Ryder were very similar in personality. He didn't exactly want to come across him quite yet though because Keelly had died. And he had a crush on Keelly. And Keelly dying had been his fault, well it hadn't, but Athradien would live with guilt for the rest of his life even though Sophia kind of canceled it out. Anyway, the Slytherin needed a comfortable place to do some homework, so the Rooftop Lounge was the place. It was awfully chilly on the stairs up to the lounge, and he was grateful to find that it was much warmer inside the lounge itself. He gazed around the place, and it was sort of crowded. The only spot to sit was on a couch where someone was laying down, and Athradien sighed. Oh no, he'd have to be social. He walked over to the couch and took the empty space next to the guy's feet, wait, Ryder?! Athradien grinned a bit nervously, but he was happy to see his friend. "Hey man, how've you been?" Athradien could tell Ryder was feeling down, he knew his body language very well.

[Ryder Kingsley]

"Hey man, how've you been?"

Ryder throw his arm off his face, and looked up at who he thought was Ath, by his hearing of the guys voice. It was Ath, boy had the dude chanced since the last time Ryder had really saw him. Ryder didn't know how to start out, even though it was the simplest question a person could ask you. Ath hadn't been here when Keelly died, nor had he been the once watch her go. Ryder had, and still place heavily on his mind, along with his own father's dead, and him having to become his families head of the household. "Crap, you?" He said sighing, he didn't care he really didn't feel like crap, he didn't know how he really felt with all his emotions throw up into the air, like there where being shot at, for target practice.

Ryder had remembered the last time he had really spoken to Ath, and that had been a fight. Because Ryder was pissed at him, and Ath was mad at Keelly for breaking up with him. But, if only the boy didn't go and be all buddy buddy with the exes, he had Keelly would still probably believe. Remembering the conversation he had with her here in this room or at least he thought it was her, it was probably the real last conversation he had with her alive. Ryder had been the idiot and from memory correctly he had tired to kiss her, and spoke words to try to get her to stop crying. He really just made everything worse. "Yup, crap that's how I have been." He said answering the question again.

[Athradien Telemnar]

Athradien could tell by all of Ryder's gestures that he was put off, in a bad mood. Not necessarily at Athradien, but there sure could be the possibility that he was angry to see Ath. No one had ever really hated Athradien, or at least not that he knew of. The last time he had seen Ryder, they had been in a huge fight all over Keelly. Athradien had been wrong to react the way he did, but Keelly had been stupid for giving him up just because he left. Not that he really cared about that anymore, those were petty 5th year fights, and he was something more now. In little over half a year, Athradien was going to graduate and finally pursue what he wanted to pursue, but he didn't know what that was quite yet. "I'm alright, I'm a little worried about you though. I've never seen you in this state before."

Ath's blue-green eyes swept over the distressed Ryder. He had gotten taller, and he seemed more mature and dark in a way. Very much a different Ryder than the one he had left behind. Poor Keelly. Poor Ryder! Because of Athradien, they could never be together. He felt like a life-ruiner, a party pooper. He started to feel his self-hatred rapidly coming back as he set his homework down on the table in front of them. Homework could wait. Ryder was 10000x more important than homework ever would be. To Athradien, it seemed like Ryder had bottled up his emotions much like Ath had in 5th year, which led to him exploding and lashing out at people. If he could get deeper inside Ryder, he could prevent this.

[Ryder Kingsley]

"I'm alright, I'm a little worried about you though. I've never seen you in this state before."

'Why be worried now, it's already two months into the year, before you came and spoke to me,' Ryder thought looking at the boy sitting at the end of his feet, he had grown he wasn't the short little tod her had been in his fourth and fifth year of school. "What's there to be worried about? I'm good, I just feel like crap." He spoke he was still a little tiffed at Ath, just leaving the way he had. Leaving his best friend behind like that, along with hurting Keelly before all this. Even thought Keelly had been the one to break up with him, but it was because of Ath actions had Keelly broke up with him. "I'm not in any kind of state, as you put it. I am fine." Ryder spoke a little more firm, he wasn't in the mood to talk nor was he in the mood for much of anything. He just plainly didn't care, because his life was OVER. It was O.V.E.R. after this year and there was nothing much he could do about it, that's if he passed his classes and final exams.

It wasn't like Ryder wanted to be the head of house because of his father dying, no he wanted to having a life after school do things he wanted. But no he had to be the bigger man, and take the role of Head of Household. Ryder sighed, what more could he do he could abonded his family he wouldn't. Ryder wouldn't become like his father no matter how much he didn't want to be Head Of the Household. He could feel Ath staring at him like he was Psychoanalyzing him or something. Ryder wanted to say something, to him but he bite his tongue and wasn't going to let what he was feeling and lash out on anyone else.

[you should say something about Sophia telling you about there conservation on the roof]

[Athradien Telemnar]

Just from the tone of voice Ryder was using, Athradien could tell that he was ticked off. Maybe it would be best if Ath just left, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Not when his best friend needed him most, even if he wouldn't admit it. Athradien sighed heavily, staring down at his friend with an emotionless expression on his face. "Ryder, would you quit acting like nothing is wrong and that you are happy? Because anyone can tell you're not, especially me. It's okay to say how you feel sometimes. Yeah, we're guys, we're not supposed to be depressed because of the stereotypes. Yeah, I left on pretty bad terms with you and I regret it. It's really obvious that you're not okay, Ryder," Athradien spoke quickly, kind of annoyed and also kind of concerned. It appeared that Ryder had a lack of trust in Ath and it hurt him, when they had always been two peas in a pod.

Earlier this morning Sophia had told him about the conversation she had with Ryder, and Athradien knew what was upsetting him, and he wasn't going to play dumb and act like he didn't know about it. Those sort of people really annoyed him. "Sophia told me about the conversation you had with her earlier so I know what's up with you. Don't you know it's gonna be alright? It may not feel like it now but I can guarantee you I can help you in every way, shape, and form to take your problems and make them better." Wow, Athradien was jabbering a lot today, but he hadn't been this concerned in such a long time that he felt passionate about making Ryder cheer up. Nobody deserved to be this sad.

[Ryder Kingsley]

"Ryder, would you quit acting like nothing is wrong and that you are happy? Because anyone can tell you're not, especially me. It's okay to say how you feel sometimes. Yeah, we're guys, we're not supposed to be depressed because of the stereotypes. Yeah, I left on pretty bad terms with you and I regret it. It's really obvious that you're not okay, Ryder,"

Ryder shook his head and sighed, he knew it was alright to tell how your feeling, and right now he wanted to think everything was hunky dorey. Though he knew it wasn't, he sighed again. "You really wanna know what the hell is wrong with me? Because I can give you a story ol' chap." He spoke with sarcasm lacing his words as he spoke him. "Yeah, I'm not happy. Why ever would I be happy, I mean when your best friend leaves, then your other best friend is mad and upset at you and her ex, and the come to find her laying in the street of Hogmeade holding her lifeless body begging her not to go. Then having no real close friends here, you tend to stay alone and by yourself only going to classes. Then your pulled out of school at the middle of your sixth year to find out that your father had died of a heart attack, and then find out at the being on the new year that at the end of your Seventh Year you'll have to become the Head of Household for the Kingsley's because your the only male boy alive for the Kingsley's. And then come to find out your best friend was back, but hadn't spoke a word to you until now." Ryder ranted as he had picking himself up off the couch and stormed over to the window and looking out it. "You wanted to know, and so you got it." He said with a huff, and pressed his head to the glass.

"Sophia told me about the conversation you had with her earlier so I know what's up with you. Don't you know it's gonna be alright? It may not feel like it now but I can guarantee you I can help you in every way, shape, and form to take your problems and make them better."

'Things get better. HA!' That was a laugh he thought. Thanks Sophia he had also thought. "What's going to be alright, that the fact that I have to be this big person now, and don't get to do what all other kids are probably going to get to do, Ath. You get to go and do what you dreamed after school. I get to find a job, and be the head of my family, because I am the only boy kingsley that can, and is alive." Ryder spoke, not much caring how it sounded. "That the fact, that you have had four or five girlfriends, when I have only had one dated to the Yule Ball, in our fourth year." HE said giving up, he just didn't want to fight nor had he wished to begin on.

[Athradien Telemnar]

Athradien braced himself for the worst, and he got it. As he listened to Ryder rant about his life, of course Ath had to feel sorry for him, but there was a little bit of anger pulsing through his veins. Yeah, he had made mistakes, he had hurt a lot of people in the process. Did he regret it? Absolutely. He used to be exactly like Ryder, a pessimist, who thought woe is me all the time. Lately it seemed like a competition between students to see who had the worst life and it irked Ath to no end. Why couldn't people see the positives? Yeah, Ath's mom had died. He wasn't exactly happy about it but he wasn't going to mope about it. He had a life to live, dreams to achieve. Athradien stood up briskly and followed Ryder to the window, not caring that they were being stared at by everyone else. "Yeah, Ryder, I understand why you're not happy. No one would be happy in your position. And I'm sorry I left, there were lot's of reasons why I left. Number one was so I didn't have the chance to hurt anyone else as much as I hurt Keelly. And I had to settle some things with my past. If you think Keelly's death has only affected you, then you're wrong. I'm going to live with guilt with the rest of my life just like you are, I loved her too. I feel like her blood is on my hands and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. But you know what I did? I decided to focus on the positives and I've never been a better person in my life. Even though you don't see the silver lining yet, Ryder, it's there."

Athradien paused to catch his breath, and his eyes were narrowed in annoyance as he scanned the grounds. He listened intently as Ryder's new rant began and he sighed once more, not knowing exactly what to say. "Ryder, you know what I think? I think that having your family put that much pressure on you is really ridiculous. Actually, it's bull shit. That is a responsibility, yes, but can't you let me help you figure something out? Relationships aren't what everyone thinks. Everyone assumes we're all happy when really, insecurities are all around. It's a new pressure. But I've found the person I want to be with forever, and if you let me help you, we can find that person for you too. Because I don't know of any girl who wouldn't want to date you, you are everything a girl wants. See, you are sensitive and supportive. You're brave. You just haven't met that many girls, and I can help you with that." Athradien paused once again, ready for the next barrage of rants.

[Ryder Kingsley]

"Yeah, Ryder, I understand why you're not happy. No one would be happy in your position. And I'm sorry I left, there were lot's of reasons why I left. Number one was so I didn't have the chance to hurt anyone else as much as I hurt Keelly. And I had to settle some things with my past. If you think Keelly's death has only affected you, then you're wrong. I'm going to live with guilt with the rest of my life just like you are, I loved her too. I feel like her blood is on my hands and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. But you know what I did? I decided to focus on the positives and I've never been a better person in my life. Even though you don't see the silver lining yet, Ryder, it's there."

Ryder shook his head as he said, that he was the one that had Keely's blood on his hands. That was just plain bs, he didn't find her on the streets of hogmeade as he had and held her as she basically took her last breathe, and went. "Where you there? WHERE you the one that held her on the streets, as people were walking by not really caring, nor anything else. Was you? No I don't think you were you my felt the guilt, and say you have the blood on your hands. But you didn't really I did. I found her along with another person, I think she was a professor I don't know I just know that I found Keelly laying in the streets of Hogsmeade dying. You may said that her blood is on your hands, but you didn't wash it off of you after wards after your cold less friends body laying in your lap." Ryder didn't care how hard of a blow it was just below the belt. He was the one that washed it off of him, after having to be drag back to Hogwarts basically. He didn't really have anyone to speak to about it, since his so called best friend such as Ath had left at that time. But now he was standing in front of him trying to tell him a there were brighter points, this maybe so. But at the moment, it didn't feel like it. Nothing felt brighter it only seemed dimmer to him.

"Ryder, you know what I think? I think that having your family put that much pressure on you is really ridiculous. Actually, it's bull shit. That is a responsibility, yes, but can't you let me help you figure something out? Relationships aren't what everyone thinks. Everyone assumes we're all happy when really, insecurities are all around. It's a new pressure. But I've found the person I want to be with forever, and if you let me help you, we can find that person for you too. Because I don't know of any girl who wouldn't want to date you, you are everything a girl wants. See, you are sensitive and supportive. You're brave. You just haven't met that many girls, and I can help you with that."

Ryder listened to what he thought, though there wasnt really anything that he cared to listen to but he did anyways for the hell of it. "Yes, it maybe ridiculous as you say, I said it myself to them, throw a temper taturm about it saying I wasn't ready. But that still means that I have to do it, there is no other Male blooded Kingsley's. I am the only one." He spoke with a say and he had listened about the girl thing, yeah he might have been all those things then why didn't he already have a girlfriend. It was true that he hadn't met many girls. "Yeah, I've met a few but, I doubt any of them would wanna marry with in the next year." Ryder sighed, he had already had this conversation with Sophia.

[Athradien Telemnar]

Athradien had braced himself well for this next wave of rants. Listening to the story of Keelly dying, and Ryder's part in it, killed a part of happiness in his heart. He had never heard what had happened in detail even though he had heard many rumors about what happened from a lot of students. He never fully believed any one of them, especially the ones where they said Ryder had been making out with her corpse or something totally bs like that, but hearing the truth hurt. His oblivious happiness had altogether disappeared, and memories flooded back inside his mind. Bad memories. "That may be true Ryder, I wasn't there. I should have been. But Ryder, you're so ... innocent compared to me. Guilty as you may be, you will never understand true guilt. When you actually have true blood on your hands. Ryder, I killed someone." The words slipped out of his mouth and he stared down at his hands as if expecting to see blood, but it was absent.

Gosh, Athradien had really dug himself into a very deep hole. As he listened again to Ryder, he sighed and tugged on his shirt nervously. What would Ryder think of him now? Athradien was a murderer, but he had a very good reason for what he had done. But no one needed to know the details of that. "I guess that's what happens, we have to do stuff that we never want to deal with. But at least I can help you with the girl issue, most of my friends are girls," he spoke briskly, hoping to change the subject so he wouldn't be bombarded with questions. "Time for the love guru. What's your type of girl? If you have a type. Specific quality traits would be nice..."

[Ryder Kingsley]

"That may be true Ryder, I wasn't there. I should have been. But Ryder, you're so ... innocent compared to me. Guilty as you may be, you will never understand true guilt. When you actually have true blood on your hands. Ryder, I killed someone."

Ryder was shocked by the words, had Ath really and truly killed someone. He didn't want to believe it, so he was going to ask. "Who did you kill?" He asked barely above a whisper, he didn't know if they were alone or if anyone had came up from the stairs or were at the stairs and listening to them talk. The strange thing was it almost seemed as they were a male couple just how close they were and talking all the same. If someone had only saw Ryder and Ath this close and only for a moment, and didn't hear everything that they we're talking about. There was a possibility of them thinking that.

"I guess that's what happens, we have to do stuff that we never want to deal with. But at least I can help you with the girl issue, most of my friends are girls. Time for the love guru. What's your type of girl? If you have a type. Specific quality traits would be nice..."


Ryder sighed, and tried to look passed the issue of him not really listening to him. Everyone was no pushing the girl thing, with him. First Sophia, then Ath, who next his mother? "Yeah, umm I don't think I have any I know I want a girl something like me but, yeah. I donno. I've never really hung around that many girls, as we both know." He spoke with a sigh.

[Athradien Telemnar]

Athradien could tell from the expression on Ryder's face that he had put himself into a really bad position. He sighed lightly at Ryder's next question, even his voice sounded startled and shocked. He wondered how to word it and started pacing the window, not knowing exactly what to say. "It doesn't matter now. What happened, happened, and I'm trying to move on from that. It hasn't been easy." It was true, each day was a reminder of what he had done, but his life was looking up. Even people like him had lives ahead of them, and he was taking it a day at a time. Of course, the person he had killed was out to kill him. So it was a battle to see who could kill the other first. Athradien was not a cold blooded murderer, he fought to protect himself and he had succeeded.

And then Ryder's expression went from shocked to really annoyed. Girls were a very sensitive topic, and Athradien's love life had been very lucky. Especially in his younger years he had been the guy seemingly everyone had wanted to go out with, and it drove him to the point of insanity. Still, he couldn't say that he loathed all of the attention. So Athradien began thinking of girls, close to Ryder's age, who were sort of like him. Nicole might be a good pick, but she left somewhere. Maybe DeeJay, but she was a bit needy and all. Amber Black? That might work too. "What do you say to a blind date? In December. I'll find someone who you'll get along with completely, you can trust me."

[Ryder Kingsley]

"It doesn't matter now. What happened, happened, and I'm trying to move on from that. It hasn't been easy."

Ryder rose an eyebrow at Ath, yes it might have been the past, and it happened but he would still like to know. Then again, Ryder thought to himself, maybe if I don't push it Ath will stop pushing me, to talk or whatever he's doing. He sighed, and left it alone at that. He doubt that anyone else knew or whatever, which was a highly thing. It had only had to happened between that person and Ath. There was no need for him to really know.

"What do you say to a blind date? In December. I'll find someone who you'll get along with completely, you can trust me."

He became apprehensive to this blind date thing, he didn't like the idea of not knowing whoever this person Ath would set him up with. "I don't know, I mean I guess." Ryder knew that he could trust Ath, it was the fact could he trust himself of not making a fool of himself in front of someone he didn't know. That was the real thing on his mind, he knew how to talk to girls, well at least sorta. But he didn't want to look like a boonfun in front of whoever it was. "What time would this date be, and where?" He sighed, Ryder knew that Ath would do it anyways.

[Athradien Telemnar]

"Alright, well what do you say to a blind date with one of my friends, Amber Black? At 12:00 Pm, The Three Broomsticks? Athradien said thoughtfully, turning his gaze back to Ryder. He seemed a little bit annoyed with the hook-up thing, but this would be for the better. Amber was pretty kind and thoughtful most of the time, but she did have a vibrant personality too. All the better for Ryder, who looked extremely depressed. Maybe Amber would light up his life, but in the worst case scenario, she or Ryder wouldn't be interested. Athradien crossed his fingers and hoped for the best. After all, Ryder deserved it.

"Um, you don't mind if she's a Slytherin, right?" He assumed that Ryder would be past that house hating immaturity, seeing as he was best friends with a Slytherin. So dating a Slytherin wouldn't be that bad either, especially a very nice Slytherin. Brave and ambitious seemed to work well, or for he and Sophia, ambitious and thoughtful. Soon Ryder's faced turned a bit hesitant and Athradien knew why. Girls were an interesting breed; they'd either make you or break you. Sophia made his life although so many people hated him for dating Sophia and he didn't get where the hatred was coming from. It would never stop his love, ever.