Post by Ryder Kingsley on Jun 25, 2009 22:55:58 GMT -5
Ryder had forced himself to walk up to the owlery that morning before classes, while everyone was still at breakfast. He hadn't gone to breakfast because there were many reasons of why he didn't go, there was the fact of seeing Ath and Sophia and feeling the glares apon him from both of him, the fact he wasn't hungry, and not wanting to show himself since he had just returned from St. Mungo's the night before at dinner and everyone was talking about him.
He had sat up last night writing out his feelings in his journal, that the Psych - Healer had gave him to write in when he wasn't feeling like himself and to come back in a month to go over everything he had wrote in it since being released from the treatment. Another thing that she had told him to do was to write letters to his friends to hopefully talk to him, and explain why he did was he did. Ryder had done so in treatment but never receive a response, he doubted that he would ever get one. So if they wouldn't come see him or talk to him in person he would explain why he did what he did in a longer letter than he had been sending.
The real thing was he couldn't figure how out to begin this letter last night, so he probably rambled a lot though the both of them. Sighing, he thought about remembering what he wrote, would they believe him in begging for their forgiveness or would they hate him forever for what he had done, yes it had been stupid you do stupid things when hurt, plus with everything that had gone on in his life recently it was just bottled up anger he held towards his father and he took it out on his friends and lost them by doing so.
Athradien,
Yes I know you hate me its not hard to tell by the unanswered letters and notes along with the glare I received when I walked into the Great Hall last night. It was stupid of me to do such a thing to you, along with Sophia. I am sorry I hurt the both of you. Ath, don't think your the only one going to receive a letter after this one I shall write one for her also, but you were the first on my list of people to write. Your my best friend, and I was yours but I being the idiot we all know, took it for granted yes. I took your love and friendship for granted. I was one of those people you could trust with your life and your secrets but I have not betrayed that trust, and I would understand if you never spoke nor with you be friend again after what I have done. There is no forgiveness to be found in what I have done, and possible never will be.
From what I can gather from what my Healers told me at St. Mungo's, I had repressed feelings for my hatred for my father and I took them out of the closest people to me my best friends. I never told you anything about my father really other than he was never there, which was true he wasn't. But when he was I was treated like the dirt that we stand on, I was abused by him in more than verbal assault, I was beaten and other things I still have yet to come to term with. My family knew yes, but there was little any of them could do because I had to protect my mother from him, and I wouldn't have let my father lay a hand on her even when she did speak up about the abuse I was receiving from him, I took the blunt of it from him for her. I guess that's more so why I don't want to become the head of household for my family, because I am scared I will become like him. I am shutting up about this for now.
I wish I knew another way of saying everything that I can, but there are no words that can make you trust me again nor be friends. I will understand if you don't wish to be friends, nor anything else for that matter. I know what I did was wrong and I am truly sorry for it. But only one person can say there sorry so many times, and in so many ways and in hope that there loved one, their lover, or then friend will forgive them for they have done. What I did should receive to acceptance of an apology nor anything else, if you wish to hex me be my guest. I am truly sorry.
--Ryder
P.s please write back even if you don't wish to talk to me I would just like to know that.
Ryder sighed after remembering what he wrong, if was still his friend would he look at Ryder in a different light? Would he look at Ryder as a victim like everyone else had that knew? Yes he was a victim to abuse of servel levels of it, but he never wanted to tell anyone let alone his friends. He thought it made him look less than what he really was, when really he was less than that by not telling them. Sighing, he gripped a hold of Sophie's letter and remembered what all he had said in hers, it was mostly the same but very different in all.
Sophia,
Judging by the way you glared at me last night on my return back to hogwarts from being in St Mungo's where I had placed myself for my own reasons after the other day. I know you hate me along with Ath and what I have done to the both of you. I would like for you to know, I wasn't trying to break you up, I didn't fully understand why both of you didn't tell me, yes I know I might have been down on my lucky about girls, but what did it matter it still would have been nice to know instead of feeling the hurt I have now, and the pain I feel for what I did. But I would like to explain to you what happened, seeing how you won't talk or look at me without glaring nor answer my letters and notes, so I thought maybe send one big one would help, and see hwy I did what I did.
From what I can gather from what my Healers told me at St. Mungo's, I had repressed feelings for my hatred for my father and I took them out of the closest people to me my best friends. I never told you anything about my father really other than he was never there, which was true he wasn't. But when he was I was treated like the dirt that we stand on, I was abused by him in more than verbal assault, I was beaten and other things I still have yet to come to term with. My family knew yes, but there was little any of them could do because I had to protect my mother from him, and I wouldn't have let my father lay a hand on her even when she did speak up about the abuse I was receiving from him, I took the blunt of it from him for her. I guess that's more so why I don't want to become the head of household for my family, because I am scared I will become like him. I am shutting up about this for now.
I wish I knew another way of saying everything that I can, but there are no words that can make you trust me again nor be friends. I will understand if you don't wish to be friends, nor anything else for that matter. I know what I did was wrong and I am truly sorry for it. But only one person can say there sorry so many times, and in so many ways and in hope that there loved one, their lover, or then friend will forgive them for they have done. What I did should receive to acceptance of an apology nor anything else, if you wish to hex me be my guest. I am truly sorry.
-- Ryder
P.s even though you hate me please write me back and I'll leave you alone if you wish.
Ryder sighed at how simlair her had ending both his letters but hell it was the truth and it was also writers block mixed with loss of creative. He walked on up the stairs of the owlery and looked for his owl so that he could have it delivered before breakfast was over. "Hades, come here boy." He asked aloud as the bird hooted and landed on his shoulder. Ryder tied both letters to each of his owls legs, and sighed. "Take those to Ath, and Sophia. Please. and heres a treat for a good boy." Ryder said tossing up the treat to him, before he flew off. Ryder casted tempus to make sure that it was still breakfast, and it was he still could just go a head on to class, which would probably be what he do. He walked on down the stairs and sighed. Ryder hoped that maybe they would talk to him someday.
He had sat up last night writing out his feelings in his journal, that the Psych - Healer had gave him to write in when he wasn't feeling like himself and to come back in a month to go over everything he had wrote in it since being released from the treatment. Another thing that she had told him to do was to write letters to his friends to hopefully talk to him, and explain why he did was he did. Ryder had done so in treatment but never receive a response, he doubted that he would ever get one. So if they wouldn't come see him or talk to him in person he would explain why he did what he did in a longer letter than he had been sending.
The real thing was he couldn't figure how out to begin this letter last night, so he probably rambled a lot though the both of them. Sighing, he thought about remembering what he wrote, would they believe him in begging for their forgiveness or would they hate him forever for what he had done, yes it had been stupid you do stupid things when hurt, plus with everything that had gone on in his life recently it was just bottled up anger he held towards his father and he took it out on his friends and lost them by doing so.
Athradien,
Yes I know you hate me its not hard to tell by the unanswered letters and notes along with the glare I received when I walked into the Great Hall last night. It was stupid of me to do such a thing to you, along with Sophia. I am sorry I hurt the both of you. Ath, don't think your the only one going to receive a letter after this one I shall write one for her also, but you were the first on my list of people to write. Your my best friend, and I was yours but I being the idiot we all know, took it for granted yes. I took your love and friendship for granted. I was one of those people you could trust with your life and your secrets but I have not betrayed that trust, and I would understand if you never spoke nor with you be friend again after what I have done. There is no forgiveness to be found in what I have done, and possible never will be.
From what I can gather from what my Healers told me at St. Mungo's, I had repressed feelings for my hatred for my father and I took them out of the closest people to me my best friends. I never told you anything about my father really other than he was never there, which was true he wasn't. But when he was I was treated like the dirt that we stand on, I was abused by him in more than verbal assault, I was beaten and other things I still have yet to come to term with. My family knew yes, but there was little any of them could do because I had to protect my mother from him, and I wouldn't have let my father lay a hand on her even when she did speak up about the abuse I was receiving from him, I took the blunt of it from him for her. I guess that's more so why I don't want to become the head of household for my family, because I am scared I will become like him. I am shutting up about this for now.
I wish I knew another way of saying everything that I can, but there are no words that can make you trust me again nor be friends. I will understand if you don't wish to be friends, nor anything else for that matter. I know what I did was wrong and I am truly sorry for it. But only one person can say there sorry so many times, and in so many ways and in hope that there loved one, their lover, or then friend will forgive them for they have done. What I did should receive to acceptance of an apology nor anything else, if you wish to hex me be my guest. I am truly sorry.
--Ryder
P.s please write back even if you don't wish to talk to me I would just like to know that.
Ryder sighed after remembering what he wrong, if was still his friend would he look at Ryder in a different light? Would he look at Ryder as a victim like everyone else had that knew? Yes he was a victim to abuse of servel levels of it, but he never wanted to tell anyone let alone his friends. He thought it made him look less than what he really was, when really he was less than that by not telling them. Sighing, he gripped a hold of Sophie's letter and remembered what all he had said in hers, it was mostly the same but very different in all.
Sophia,
Judging by the way you glared at me last night on my return back to hogwarts from being in St Mungo's where I had placed myself for my own reasons after the other day. I know you hate me along with Ath and what I have done to the both of you. I would like for you to know, I wasn't trying to break you up, I didn't fully understand why both of you didn't tell me, yes I know I might have been down on my lucky about girls, but what did it matter it still would have been nice to know instead of feeling the hurt I have now, and the pain I feel for what I did. But I would like to explain to you what happened, seeing how you won't talk or look at me without glaring nor answer my letters and notes, so I thought maybe send one big one would help, and see hwy I did what I did.
From what I can gather from what my Healers told me at St. Mungo's, I had repressed feelings for my hatred for my father and I took them out of the closest people to me my best friends. I never told you anything about my father really other than he was never there, which was true he wasn't. But when he was I was treated like the dirt that we stand on, I was abused by him in more than verbal assault, I was beaten and other things I still have yet to come to term with. My family knew yes, but there was little any of them could do because I had to protect my mother from him, and I wouldn't have let my father lay a hand on her even when she did speak up about the abuse I was receiving from him, I took the blunt of it from him for her. I guess that's more so why I don't want to become the head of household for my family, because I am scared I will become like him. I am shutting up about this for now.
I wish I knew another way of saying everything that I can, but there are no words that can make you trust me again nor be friends. I will understand if you don't wish to be friends, nor anything else for that matter. I know what I did was wrong and I am truly sorry for it. But only one person can say there sorry so many times, and in so many ways and in hope that there loved one, their lover, or then friend will forgive them for they have done. What I did should receive to acceptance of an apology nor anything else, if you wish to hex me be my guest. I am truly sorry.
-- Ryder
P.s even though you hate me please write me back and I'll leave you alone if you wish.
Ryder sighed at how simlair her had ending both his letters but hell it was the truth and it was also writers block mixed with loss of creative. He walked on up the stairs of the owlery and looked for his owl so that he could have it delivered before breakfast was over. "Hades, come here boy." He asked aloud as the bird hooted and landed on his shoulder. Ryder tied both letters to each of his owls legs, and sighed. "Take those to Ath, and Sophia. Please. and heres a treat for a good boy." Ryder said tossing up the treat to him, before he flew off. Ryder casted tempus to make sure that it was still breakfast, and it was he still could just go a head on to class, which would probably be what he do. He walked on down the stairs and sighed. Ryder hoped that maybe they would talk to him someday.
